We all know that cigarettes are yet another victim of a liberal conspiracy to destroy the lives of decent, hard working American executes who, by the way, are just trying to make a few dollars and hopefully send their kids to college someday.
Cigarettes themselves have been unfairly branded with a stigma that their ingredients contain dangerous carcinogens, cause cancer and heart disease and are highly addictive. I mean, come on – those are just words, and very subjective ones if you ask me…bunch of B.S. spewed by the damn liberals who are – yet again -plotting to deny us of the freedoms afforded to all Americans by the United States Constitution!
The persecution of tobacco companies, cigarettes and smokers is a slippery slope, and I for one do not intend to stand idly by…
After all, our forefathers fought long and hard to realize their vision for a better tomorrow – a democratic system with checks and balances, no taxation without representation, freedom of speech, the right to bear arms, and most importantly, the right to blow deadly smoke into the faces of others.
As Patrick Henry once said, “Give me liberty or give me death!” In the same revolutionary spirit, I believe that all is not lost if we fight for our convictions. Fortunately there are still some like-minded Patriots in this country. They too believe that it is our civic duty to protect freedom and liberty. Enter the inventor of the EZ-smoker, a device that looks like a cigarette yet produces only vapor and contains no tobacco or other dangerous ingredients. With the EZ-smoker, you can smoke anywhere! Even in your child’s nursery school!
Watch the commercial because it’s hilarious, and it’s not a joke – I actually saw this on TV (post continues below video).
So, although I’m not into smoking, I’m thinking about taking up EZ-smoking – especially in tight quarters around children, pregnant women, and the elderly – in the name of the cause. Hell, I might even take this whole thing a step further and bring a pretend plastic hand gun that makes noise but fires only bullet-shaped cotton balls with me on my next airplane trip. As I’m hog tied and hauled off for questioning, airport security will receive the message loud and clear: “We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”
So take that dastardly liberal socialist agenda! After all, if I wanted to grow up in a red state, I’d have been born in Kiev circa 1945!