We all know that cigarettes are yet another victim of a liberal conspiracy to destroy the lives of decent, hard working American executes who, by the way, are just trying to make a few dollars and hopefully send their kids to college someday.

Cigarettes themselves have been unfairly branded with a stigma that their ingredients contain dangerous carcinogens, cause cancer and heart disease and are highly addictive. I mean, come on – those are just words, and very subjective ones if you ask me…bunch of B.S. spewed by the damn liberals who are – yet again -plotting to deny us of the freedoms afforded to all Americans by the United States Constitution!  

EZ smoker

Come on - everyone's doin' it!

The persecution of tobacco companies, cigarettes and smokers is a slippery slope, and I for one do not intend to stand idly by…

After all, our forefathers fought long and hard to realize their vision for a better tomorrow – a democratic system with checks and balances, no taxation without representation, freedom of speech, the right to bear arms, and most importantly, the right to blow deadly smoke into the faces of others.  

As Patrick Henry once said, “Give me liberty or give me death!” In the same revolutionary spirit, I believe that all is not lost if we fight for our convictions. Fortunately there are still some like-minded Patriots in this country. They too believe that it is our civic duty to protect freedom and liberty. Enter the inventor of the EZ-smoker, a device that looks like a cigarette yet produces only vapor and contains no tobacco or other dangerous ingredients. With the EZ-smoker, you can smoke anywhere! Even in your child’s nursery school!

Watch the commercial because it’s hilarious, and it’s not a joke – I actually saw this on TV (post continues below video).

So, although I’m not into smoking, I’m thinking about taking up EZ-smoking – especially in tight quarters around children, pregnant women, and the elderly – in the name of the cause. Hell, I might even take this whole thing a step further and bring a pretend plastic hand gun that makes noise but fires only bullet-shaped cotton balls with me on my next airplane trip. As I’m hog tied and hauled off for questioning, airport security will receive the message loud and clear: “We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”

So take that dastardly liberal socialist agenda! After all, if I wanted to grow up in a red state, I’d have been born in Kiev circa 1945!


About erinobrien26


6 responses »

  1. Kate says:

    Wow Erin,
    Love the piece… but i feel the comments make it so much better for their shear absurdity. Plus your response is spot on.

    • erinobrien26 says:

      Thanks lady! My original purpose was to point out the absurdity of the commercial and how funny it is that the company is marketing this device, which is supposed to be a tool for smoking cessation, as a way to ‘stick it to the man’ and smoke wherever you want. Who knew a conversation about Agism and the Constitution would follow?

  2. steven hofmann says:

    I think that you have missed the vast majority of the message of the framers of our constitution. Freedom has nothing to do with blowing any kind of smoke on another human. They did not fight for the sake of fighting but to free themselves from the oppression of England. Read for another ten years, then start forming an opinion. Form it for another ten and start to share it. Ever notice how the founding fathers were experienced, educated, elders.

    And that idea of yours to take a fake weapon through airport security will only further demonstrate your youthful inexperienced viewpoint. Take it slow, there is a lot to learn.

    • erinobrien26 says:

      Thanks for the comment and your suggestions, but I believe you’ve misconstrued the message here. I was using a literary technique known as “irony.”

      “Irony: The expression of one’s meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect.”

      But wow! Assuming you took the time to read my About Me section, and therefore know that I am 25 years old; your implication that people are not qualified to form an opinion until age 35 nor write about it until age 45 is wholly disturbing. For your convenience I made a list of those Founding Fathers who – in 1776 – wouldn’t have met your aforementioned criteria:

      Adams – age 41
      Braxton – age 40
      Carroll – age 39
      Chase – age 35
      Clymer – age 37
      Floyd – age 42
      Gerry – age 32
      Gwinnett – age 41
      Heyward – age 30
      Hooper – age 35
      Jay – age 32
      Jefferson – age 33
      Lee, Francis – age 42
      Lee, Richard – age 44
      Lynch – age 27
      Madison – age 26
      McKean – age 42
      Middleton – age 34
      Morris, Robert – age 42
      Nelson – age 38
      Paca – age 36
      Penn – age 35
      Read – age 43
      Rush – age 31
      Rutledge – age 27
      Stone – age 33
      Walton – age 27
      Washington – age 44
      Wilson – age 35

      Whoa! That’s well over half! But hot damn, the Founding Fathers were also all white males so I guess I – and many others – might as well not have an opinion at all (using irony again).

      Fortunately, the great thing about our country is that thanks to the Constitution we do have freedom to express our ideas and opinions; even if we don’t always agree with one another. Diversity of opinion and viewpoint, and the right to argue about it freely is what separates us from Fascist, Communist and Totalitarian regimes.

      …Thankfully the Founding Fathers and other patriots didn’t listen when King George III told them to keep their opinions to themselves…

      That’s just my 2 cents on the matter, but who am I but an uneducated youth?
      – Erin

  3. Sue Gilhousen says:

    HI I have one of your smoke ez systems and the 110 charger blew up. The wire came right off the charging end. I need to know what can be done to replace it as it is only a couple months old and I don’t want to go back to butts.
    If this is the wrong place could you tell me the correct one.
    Thanks Sue

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