The weather in Baltimore city has been amazing lately, and, with the shift in temperatures, everyone has retired their flip flops for running shoes.  This sudden increase in runners has really caught my attention, and there’s something I need to get off my chest.  So here it goes:

 Runners: please stop kidding yourselves. We all know that you secretly loath running just like the rest of us – so stop living a lie.  

Don’t get me wrong – I admire your drive, and have myself been known to go on pretty lengthy runs from time to time.  However, I don’t try to fool myself into believing that I actually enjoy running, and find it hard to believe that you like shin splints and side cramps as much as you say you do.

Runner being miserable

So stop smiling so much and relishing in the amazing weather with your running buddies.  I’m trying to walk to the bank, and along you come behind me – all sorts of chatter boxing away with your two best friends and your golden retriever – pretending to have a great time while simultaneously burning calories, relieving stress and decreasing your risk of heart disease.

You’re weaving a web of lies! – I know that deep down you’d rather be drinking beer and eating burgers at Looney’s, or laying around watching T.V. or playing World of Warcraft.  Anything but getting a fabulous workout while basking in the enchanting rays of sun as they reflect majestically off the harbor waters.

And what about these schmucks who wake up at the crack of dawn to participate in Back on My Feet, which is a “nonprofit organization that promotes the self-sufficiency of homeless populations by engaging them in running as a means to build confidence, strength and self-esteem.” Pssh, sounds like a waste of time if you ask me.

Sure – this organization provides hope and encouragement to people seeking a second chance (and you can help!), and many of them find the camaraderie of running, and the encouragement of fellow members to be absolutely life-changing.  But, really – 6 AM is way too early to wake up!

And how about all these runners raising money for charity? Pushovers if you ask me. Sorry, but that malarkey is just not my style.

So – to all you runners out there, do us all a favor and stop being so smug – participating in worthy causes, making yourself healthier and all that jazz.  Also use the cross walks while you’re at it! I’m trying to get to Chipotle in a timely manner before getting hammered at the bars all night!

You derelicts.

 ______________________________________________________________________________

So you’re one of those do-gooders, huh? Well here are some other local events/organizations that you should check out:

Walk Now For Autism Speaks: This annual walk helps raise money for Autism research and promotes awareness about the disorder. This year the walk will take place on October 30th at Raven’s Stadium. Hope to see you there!

Mac’s Team: This group raises money to support families as well as to fund research and promote awareness about Metachromatic Leukodystrophy (MLD). The organization’s annual bull roast is October 3rd – besides raising money for such a great cause, the bull roast is also a fabulous time for kids and parents alike.  

No More Stolen Childhoods: This organization speaks out against child sexual abuse as well as strives to change the public perception of abuse victims and to bring hope and healing into their lives. Visit the website to take the pledge to speak on behalf of children who are victims of abuse and cannot or could not speak for themselves.

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About erinobrien26

Boop.

One response »

  1. weighty says:

    gonna send this to my mom

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