Opposites attract – my engineer boyfriend proved it to me.
No, he didn’t use his magnet set to illustrate the gravitational forces of the moon, or the Earth’s opposing poles (Don’t those relate to magnetism? …I’ll ask him later).
But seriously – look at us!
Ben is cool as a cucumber – even keeled, calculated, and structured. I however, am off the wall – bouncy, random, and disorganized. He speaks in bullet points, I ramble in prose.
Yet he’s so adorable – I can’t help but love his engineer quirks (well, most of the time). So how have I, the least mathematical and unscientific person to walk the face of God’s green Earth, managed to build a successful relationship with my very own engineer? It’s easy! And you can do it too.
1. Engineers think in bullet points. Make your point in one sentence or less. Use facts, not feelings. If you ever need to discuss feelings with an engineer, you must disguise them as facts.
Me (using engineer language) – Ben, your perceived presence in the space time continuum exponentially increases my endorphin levels.
Translation – Ben, being around you makes me feel happy.
See how that works? It’s tricky, but with a little practice – and maybe some research – you’ll get it down pat.
2. Engineers will always buy you practical gifts. If you want something impractical, you must prove its practicality or else you’re S.O.L.
Me (using engineer language): Ben, I’d like diamond earrings* because I need a material with enough cellular density to _____________. <– insert useful task here.
Disclaimer: This one could backfire on you. Because engineers are so practical – he will probably find a material more suited for your needs.
3. If you see him with his toolbox or a drafting pencil in hand – call up some girlfriends and make it a girl’s night, or even a girl’s weekend, because this could take a while. Never disturb an engineer while he is building or fixing something.
If he takes apart your garbage disposal – just go with it. After a few days he’ll have it back together and running better than ever. Once he’s finished fixing the disposal – fawn over how great it’s disposing (“I’ve never seen spaghetti disintegrate so quickly!”) and how you don’t know what you’d do without him – he’ll eat it up. Now is a good time to bring up the diamond earring idea.
4. Just like ‘non-engineers,’ engineers will discuss their day at work with you. Unlike ‘non-engineers’ however, you will have no idea what they are talking about. This is normal. In the early stages of the relationship, try to develop a basic understanding of what he is talking about. From then on, just nod and try not to get glassy eyed.
Me: How was your day Ben?
Ben: Well, let me tell you. Today the ventricle of the posterior hyprosymphatical mitochondria yielded a 5.24 percent bombastic supercharge. How was yours?
Me: (Nodding) MmmmHmmm. Cool. Well I tested our accounting system a couple times.
5. Last but not least, when it comes to engineer boyfriends – you must be patient. They really are very sweet and caring; they just need guidance and a bit of training. And remember – if he can put up with you constantly losing your car keys and crying during the Lion King, you can put up with him buying you a dehumidifier for Valentine’s Day.